Either Love or Insanity
by StrawberryPajamas
Summary: Where I bash glee as well as all ya'll. WARNING - no fic or fandom is safe! Scared yet? My brain died a little as I wrote this...


**A/N: Quite frankly, I don't know what's gotten over me. Maybe my mind has finally snapped? My brain is on the flip flop? Or perhaps it was the ten ounces of Exlax I put in my OJ this morning?**

**Anyway, I am brain dead, and have decided to spew my word vomit all over you guys.**

**Scared yet? You should be. Mwhaha.**

**And may I warn you that this will be incredibly stupid? Just thought I'd tell you. You may commence.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything else for that matter.**

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><p>Mr. Schuester and the rest of the Glee kids are sitting in the choir room, because that's where these stories always start, and this one will be no different.<p>

Or will it?

(…Mwahaha)

"Can I have your attention please?" Mr. Schue calls to the room at large, and everyone looks at him because they respect him as an adult even though he had never really given them any reason to think that. "Have you done the Glee project I assigned last week?"

Their project was to take two songs and proverbially mash them together. Their time would have been better spent practicing for a future competition that would inevitably decide the fate of the glee club itself, but for some reason this took precedent.

"You know the rules," Mr. Cool Schue goes on, tucking his thumbs in his jean pockets and striking a casual pose. "The more different the songs are, the more points you get."

Finn jumps to his feet. "I mashed together _Dynamite_ by Taio Cruz with _Margaritaville_ by Jimmy Buffett!"

He then promptly performs this anomalous song for the class. How he manages to sync the instrumentalists with the random flashing colored lights, the backup dancers, and the autotune in his voice is anybody's guess.

"Great job, Finn!" Schuester congratulates when he's finished. "Very original - well done!"

"I thought it was stupid," Santana says bitchily to Finn, because she hasn't had any bitchy lines in the story yet.

"SHUT UP, SANTANA!" Mike shrieks at the Latina, who looks unperturbed at the fact that the author referred to her by her ethnicity. "DON'T TALK TO FINN LIKE THAT! I HATE YOU!"

"Mike, why are you screaming?" Kurt looks up from inspecting his nails, frowning. "Aren't you supposed to be the cool and collected one?"

Mike seethes. "CAN'T YOU TELL I'M OUT OF CHARACTER? GOSH KURT, YOU'RE SO STUPID!" he screams, stamping his foot on the ground. The ground gives a cry of anguish, but no one pays it any attention.

Kurt is so offended by this that he promptly transfers to Dalton Academy. It should have been impossible to change schools in the middle of the semester, but he managed it. Surprisingly easily, at that.

"Oh _no_! Now that Kurt's gone, we're one short of regulation size!" Mercedes gasps dramatically. Cuz she's a diva, and that's what divas do. "What_ever_ should we _do_?"

But before anyone can say anything else, Emma Pillsbury bursts into the choir room in a towering rage.

"WILL!" She screams at Schuester, who suddenly goes misty-eyed at the apoplectic redhead. "Did you just murder Carl and bury him in a shallow grave in my backyard?"

The music teacher looks quite unabashed. "Yes, Emma. I did. Because I know in my heart that's what you really wanted me to do…"

"WHAT?" She screeches, teeming with rage. "_Why in God's name would I want you to kill my husband_?"

Suddenly, Mr. Schue-Fly is wearing a tux and cummerbund, holding a dozen red roses in one hand and his guitar in the other. The lights dim and soften – he gets down on one knee.

"Emma – I love you," He proclaims to a very shocked Ms. Pillsbury. "And I know you love me too! Even though I just killed your husband and if I were a true gentleman I would have respected your wishes to be with another man and I forgot your middle name, I know we will be together forever!"

"Oh _Will_," Emma sighs lovingly, her eyes shining with tears and a smile adorning her face. Coo-coo-cah-Schue stands up and takes her in his arms.

They kiss. Passionately.

Ew.

Finn jumps up to his feet. "Mr. Schue – I'd just like to say that when I grow up, I want to follow your example and make every major life decision based on random emotional impulses!"

"Sounds good, Finn!" ClueSchue smiles.

The choir room doors burst open again and Blaine rushes in. An untraceable light and angelic music follow him. Everyone shields their eyes.

"Turn it off" Mercedes shouts, forgetting to punctuate. She quickly adds "!" so as not to appear stupid.

"Oh, sorry," Blaine snaps his fingers and the music turns off. "But I just transferred to McKinley High because I couldn't bear to be away from my Kurt any longer! C'mere, honey-pie!"

He glances around and frowns. "Where's my honey-pie?"

"He transferred to Dalton," Tina explains. "But wait – didn't you graduate?"

"Pfft, _no_. That was _last_ year," Blaine rolls his eyes. What a foolish Asian.

"Hey, I'm not only Asian," Tina pouts. "I'm also Goth, Artie's ex-girlfriend, and a st-stut-ter-er-r-r."

"No, _that_ was last year," Mike reminds her. Tina covers her mouth in apology.

"Well, since you're here, Blaine…" MooSchue (**Author's Note:** From Mulan! OMG LOL ROFL gettit?) turns to the Warbler, " …would you mind performing a song for us?"

"Hm… well, if I do I'd have to pick out a piece to sing, make sure it's in my vocal range, give the instrumentalists a few days to practice said piece, wait for them to set up, and take at least twenty minutes to warm up my voice."

"No you don't!" Rachel is suddenly and randomly chipper as she claps her hands together: "For some reason, we don't do that around here!" Everyone else cheers in agreement.

"Sweet!" So Blaine promptly performs _Hard to Handle _by the Black Crowes even better than Chris Robinson himself. Nice.

**THE END (?)**

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><p><strong>I promised stupidity, and stupidity you did got!<strong>

**Just to clarify for all you doubters out there – I really love Glee (what? I do!), and honest to God I'm glad the show's become so popular. But seriously: some things about it just irk me. Like a lot. And here is the result of my pet peeves, apparently… :)**

**Should I continue? I think the stupidity is locked in my brain now and I'm sorta craving more.**

**Is that bad?**

**Anyway - Review! **


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